so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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