I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
