I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
