life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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