I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
