dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
