I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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