Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
her vagine was all disorganized.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
