the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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