Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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