I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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