Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
