YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
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