What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
