Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
