Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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