Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
