he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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