I love black thongs
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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