Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
