I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
