Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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