and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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