Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My life is pants optional.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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