Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
