Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
