yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
