So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
