this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
