I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
