Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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