did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm at about main and main street
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
