He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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