dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
