take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
