i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
