So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
