Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
