I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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