Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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