Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
