ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
