He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
