the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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