dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
