so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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