we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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