my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
