I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
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Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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