You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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