The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
