I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
