i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
