I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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