I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I understand Curling. That high.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
