Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
