people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
