you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
this will be a night to untag.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
