We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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