p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
