I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
