People with herpes should wear stickers.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join