This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize