Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance