Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though