you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?