You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
