it wasn't lemon gatorade
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
