Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I think my vagina is haunted
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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