Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
