We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
