No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
