Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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