I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
