Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
