"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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