The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I want you more than these girls want KFC
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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