Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
