I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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