I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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