I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm too high and old for this...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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