life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
