thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
